Barb was an only child and really had never dealt with babies or children in her life. But what could be so hard about it? I mean, everyone had children, didn't they? Many people in her parish had 8 or 10 or 12 - there was even one family with 21 children. And somehow they all coped and the children grew and all was right in God's heaven. As a newly married woman - to a doctor! - Barb was determined to do everything "right". She had the right husband, now she just needed the right home and the right family. After several years of marriage and no pregnancy, she was shocked to discover it was not in the cards for them. The doctors carefully told them it was no one's fault - and perhaps if they had each married someone else, they would have children. But together it would not happen. She felt down and somehow less worthy when she learned of this. She thought the doctors were just being kind, and knew it was her that was to blame. When Barb told her mother the ...

I will never again speak to my father, my step-mother, my child's father, my uncle, my brother, my aunt, my grandfather and grandmother, my adoptive parents, my friends Virginia, Rain and Brent. So many losses, but I do have a large crowd cheering me on from the "other side". I will never again give birth to my own baby.    Although I hope to attend a birth. I will never again speak to either my adoptive mother or my birth mother,  But I hope to keep speaking to my daughter and her children. I will never again smoke a cigarette. Nope, not even one made out of marijuana. I will never again water ski? Snow ski?.... Or will I? I will never give up another baby. Thank goodness. I will never lose another husband. I will never be told what to do from people who do not love me. I will never star on Broadway. Of course I never DID star on Broadway, so that doesn't really come under "things I will never do AGAIN." Doh. I will never be expected...

I am part of what is called in Adoption Circles "the triad". The triad consists of the birth mother, the adopting family and the baby. In my case I am an adoptee (baby) and a birth mother. Of course, this makes it more complicated than the usual. An adoptee has their own set of challenges - a gigantic tragic loss of their mother (and other family) at birth, transition to a new family, wondering why they were relinquished (nice word for being abandoned), wondering who their birth family is and what is their real background, etc? And no one ever looks like you, you have no birth story to speak of and yet those questions are asked constantly. "What nationality are you? Who do you look like? Where did you get your name?" Etc....it's actually surprising how often we talk about bloodlines and pedigrees and background and ethnicity as people. Certainly as children it seemed to be a constant topic of conversations. As an adoptee, sometimes I answered as though I was...